I loved her for the beautiful person she was, but I felt that I was missing out on so much

Before I met my current GF of just over 4 months, I was single for over three years. I am 21, she is 24. I was in one long term relationship with someone I wasn’t really attracted to, but I couldn’t rid myself of her because of my own selfish insecurities – we shared all the same friends, we always hung out together, and we had very similar lifestyles. Finally things were ended once and for all, very painfully and slowly. She was a big part of my life. She recovered quickly, and instantly met a guy who she proceeded to date for over a year – I remained single. I felt such guilt that I told myself that I did not deserve anyone and that I the next person I did find would cheat on me or something and that was something I accepted.

After hanging out for a couple weeks and continuing with our casual sex, she asked me out

dating when overweight

Three angry, lonely years passed. Many opportunities to meet and connect with great people had surfaced, but I never took them up and was always regretful afterwards. I always found ways to sabotage them, and then proceeded to kick myself. This was during what statistically was supposed to be my sexual peak, and I was constantly being bugged by friends, my ex, and even strangers that caught wind of my situation and would say things along the lines of ‘WTF is wrong with you – you are an attractive, nice guy – that long. ‘

I continued to be frustrated with it, but then one day I met my 2 attractive, female upstairs neighbors in the apartment I was living in. I didn’t do anything differently, but one of them pursued me. I was so flattered that my judgment was clouded. I was so exctied about finally seeing someone was interested in me. The casual relations continued, after all she was conveniently available. On the second or third time, she told me that she had slept with 22 guys, and I told her I had been with 1. I said I appreciated her honesty, but that comment had opened up a can of worms. I didn’t want to lose what I felt I had gained so quickly based on my initial perceptions of her, so I said yes.

We had only hung out one time before we had sex, and she was the one who came onto me and straight up asked me for it

Things were really chill and I really appreciated her honesty and openness, but I was bothered by thoughts of her past. I knew I had to just relax and realize that it was just the past, but that was really hard to do. Another thing that surfaced about her character that would bug me was her theivery of small trinkets and things, and she would come up with excuses for it like she was ‘screwing the man’ and such, and said she would never steal from people. She would also come up with elaborate lies to get out of work and things like that, but told me she would never lie to me because she cared about me. I wanted to let things slide, but the more she would share with me the more I became upset. I started to inform her that her past behaviour bothered me and that I didn’t want to hear about it, but she would brush off my concerns and say ‘it’s a part of who I am, I can’t change it’.